If I have acted ungracefully
I don't want to see you go
I never meant to make you want to leave
Go if you want
Make your way straight to the door
I hope that you'll look back before you go
'Cause grace looks back before it starts to leave
So yesterday, after I wrote that first entry, It was odd because when I went to college group, Darrins speechehmathingy (my weird word haha, see if you can figure it out) talked about the same subject I wrote about, so simply put, it was what i needed to hear, so that was awesome.
I'm not in the writing mood today honestly...Ya know I kinda feel like this sleep problem is just about the fufilling of a habit that im used to getting daily, and I have to recieve some form of it, and then i sleep like a baby, if not..theres trouble. haha. but really that is a serious problem, and something Im going to work on. Last night was just too good, I hate feeling like im getting attached when I know I cant be.
I am so feeling oriented its not even funny, even though I have a really good sense of character and truth(facts). Its like I believe the truth.. and just choose when to live by it, in this way I feel like im the worst kind of Christian, which discourages me beyond explanation. Its just so scary to think about trying to change that.
This summer weather is simply lovely, its freaking hot out, and I wish I had a beach to drive too. I loooove the beach, and I'm not going to go at all this summer, thats like a first for me, and I'm unhappy. Haha. I've pretty much given up on my photoshoot before I leave. Lauren is just too busy and doesnt find it important enough to make time for me, she'd rather continue to make plans with friends that will be around all summer, when I'm leaving in a couple weeks..oh well, you cant make people.
My brother is going in such a wrong direction and I feel like I'm doing nothing about it. He is going to be right where I was, but should I just let him learn by experience? I have no clue and I really dont like trying to confront him about anything because he simply looses his shit when that happens. Id rather keep a neutral relationship thats all fun and smiles, but really thats just my selfish motive. Wow Im really failing lately. I've even smoking again, alot, TERRIBLE for my breathing when I'm trying to do cardio daily. Someone needs to just hit me with some sense. I'm getting to where I'm just using basic as a reason to stay, I'll stop everything then..but will that really make a differance for when I get out of basic? . I really like someone right now and wish I could date them but my life is not fit for a relationship by any means at this point... and letting go of Ryan is the hardest thing. Knowing that I need to rule him out as a possible husband in my future..even though its still what i want.Ehhh I'm writing a whole bunch of nothing...
go google find chuck norris. you'll laugh.
lovelovelove.
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