craving that NEW feeling...

so whenever i was a civilian, back before i had entered this "military world" i was a poor post highschool nobody. i rarely had a car, could never get more than 25hrs a week of work, moved about 10 times in less than 2 years..and was always feeling completely unstable. now mind you, among all this hectic drama i was very anxious to get out of it, as i felt like i was being pulled into a muddy pit, helpless and hopeless. joining the Navy was something that was going to "bring me out" and "brighten my world."

And it did.
Then why is satisfaction so far away? i enjoy my apartment, having my car, my stable job (paycheck) and now i have my husband that 'meets all my emotional desires'. All the stability and things that bring joy and comfort right? Oh how i wish. But I feel very incomplete. Very uncomfortable. Rarely Joyful.
I even read the bible everyday now, and pray more often. I'm seeking God desperately in my relationship battles, and in my boredom of life. But even that feels inadequate. Why does it feel like God isn't enough to satisfy? How do I become happy with every moment? Content with walking the steps of God's plan for me? Enjoying every breath, every morning that comes.
I feel like my days are so cliche, so tick tok tick tok tick tock BORING! The same thing, everyday. This is never what i wanted when i said i wanted stability! Watching Tv/Movies fills way more of my days then i want, but its the cheapest entertainment. I love going out seeking for a perfect outfit to buy, or getting a photoshoot done, or smoking hookah with friends, or going to a restauraunt. But those things are harder to accomplish on a regular basis, and even harder, with no friends around. I don't have friends here in Virginia. Only 'work friends' which are currently all gone on deployment. I'm the one that makes reasons to not do anything enjoyable, so then why do I not blame myself for my boredom? Who else is holding me back?

I don't even feel like I'm making an ounce of sense. But anyhow, I want a second job, If only for the reason that I want to interact with more people! I love talking, I really think Its one of my favorite things to do. Wow, I'm more like my Dad then I thought. Haha.

Thats really all for now.
As always,
Me