new!

hello all,
Wow i cannot believe its been since April that I've written! I am currently on the U.S.S Enterprise for an 11 day Det. Things have changed alot since I've written, its hard to know where to begin. But I can say that I now have a restraining order on Ryan, and we are seperated. I will file the divorce papers after I return from deployment in July 2011. I have no idea where he is residing since he cant be in my home now. I dont care, I hope things get hard for him and he realizes his life is shitty because hes a pathetic excuse for a man. He needs to grow up, humble himself, and learn to accept responsibility for things...and his actions. I'm just SO proud of myself for finally reporting him and getting the protection i need, and finally free-ing myself from the emotional bondage of this terrible relationship. Its odd now to think i was really dedicated to it all a month ago, thinking and expecting things to get better. What a fool i was. And I've learned a very important lesson through this. That i can't go to my parents for the answers to my life decisions, plain and simple. I feel like I have to earn back their respect, when really I dont. I need to choose things that are best for me no matter what they think about it. Because when shit comes down I'm gonna be the only one thats there for myself. And I've been seeing that play out over and over again. You can't always trust family to back you up either. Its sad but true.

I'm so happy though i feel much more free and like anything is possible again. Every day is easier knowing I just have myself to worry about now. I guess I dont have anything else to say, its hard to focus right now, so ill write again at some point maybe before im back on land in virginia.

wish me luck, alot of stuff going on right now ;)